All I want is…..

A few thoughts that I couldn’t actually let it flip by, time and again, I take out time more to contemplate on the lived life. I wish I could have lived that time, but greater the time is needed for me to sit still and let life pass by in minutes to regale in the moments passed by. There are certain ways of understanding the uncertainties. Accepting the uncertainties whole-heartedly gives the re-assurances to face them. It is umpteenth time that the romantic in me is set out for a leash. I take all that I have in me to detach from life with a passion that I realize which is set on a blaze in me.

Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving as Erma Bombeck points out rightly, plus I realise that guilt is also an element that keeps the going on. For that matter, I don’t set out on a propaganda that I’ve stopped feeling guilty, but I don’t necessarily guilt myself for I have also realized the guiltiness of nothing and the nothingness of guilt is more dangerous than the guilt itself. There are things that matters as they are something that I have learned to appreciate. For I remember a few glimpses that which compels itself to be told and to be shown.

The myriad of memories that oozes out from me turns me numb in pain. I wish I could cry out loud and let the despair out than to be gnawed inside by the memories that are set on a painful blooming inside me. They create a pattern, a pattern that would set my mind to a roller coaster ride through the times I have lived. What I couldn’t do is to muster enough courage and say a Positive NO and be out of the maze. Photographs are not mere memories of the past frozen to future. The shadows bring in a cocktailed tinge of nostalgia and regret and set us to a brink. What can one possibly trade with time to go back once to a moment and re-live them? No wonder, God is cruel. And Fate is crueller.

Have you ever sat alone and listened intently to the rain? Have not you ever realized that the rain drops falling on the roof with a clutter actually long for an intimate conversation? Have you ever looked at a child watching wistfully at the rain outside through a window? Why would we distance ourselves from such beautiful moments of life? I realize the beautiful rain, which rains inside me, when I sit and watch the rain that rains rhythmically to the music of my solitude. And then I do the loveliest thing. I let it rain and I let myself rain.

But where on earth or heaven can I expect a shower in this arid Hyderabad April? All I want is to rain outside my window and me cosily sitting with a book? For a change my thesis this time, as my countdown is set to write and submit. Here I come, to you, the world of academia….

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3 comments

  1. rainboy

    I love what you wrote about rain… I am so happy happy when it rains 😀

    makes my heart joyful.

    I usually sit in veranda with a cup of coffee and spend hours sitting and looking at raindrops…

    take care …it's been long

    Like

  2. shadow

    In my Dreams ,You know ,Who You Are
    I Whisper Prayers ,To be Heard ,the Truth ,

    That what I am suppose to do ,as answer to Prayers .

    Setting ,You Free ,of every hearing My heart beat ,I shall ,give my all

    oh how life ,could open up to give fresh start ,to love ,share our lives as we both know and believed it should been ,I been trying get back to you ,

    the days turned to months
    now my heart weeps ,as I can't feel you ,near as always held .

    I am scared ,
    I sound silly
    I believe speaking What is Truth in your Heart
    Never can be Silly
    As it has taken me all this time ,to reach deep within me ,set my own ,free ,see a truth that was screaming to be Heard ,before it was lost .
    I prayed for Time
    Prayed ,you be watched over ,
    Prayed for understanding
    for to love ,
    I never wanted ,you out my life ,Listen to many things ,you speak of me .

    maybe I've loss

    A Truth that beats with my own Heart ,will be

    You
    Two Fools that kept pushing each other away
    Two fools ,that wouldn't pick up a phone ,or talk

    two fools ,with a smile
    Let go

    rest our lives
    those two fools
    will always feel those beats of
    “our hearts “

    wiping away my Tears ,Screaming with my complete Soul to be Heard
    I Love You

    My Dreams ,you will always be ,maybe in life ,couldn't be together ,as I would gave

    was no one that was there to Listen

    Was always there ,to fix me

    Was none that accepted ,after hearing truth

    there was many that was there to Judge

    As ,it must of seemed ,my heart ,felt nothing

    as must seemed things I done ,was heartless

    dreams ,you shall be ,with me that ,holds no judging ,only accepting ,with love ,we always knew

    Like

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