A few deaths

Some dreams just don’t fade like the reality; they don’t glare in either, but creeps in and freaks you out. Some dreams about a few I knew haunt me. Some are dead, some alive. Some in a trance, some in a deep despair and some like in the dream I dreamt the other day about an elderly- good- woman-friend of him. She was naked and looked pale like a pearly white ghost. Her body glowed like the moon on a starless night. Her breasts were full and looked sagged. Her stomach showed her youth replaced with folds of fat. She looked heavenly with a calmness that only the blessed-dead could have. I felt happy for her, but all the while guilty for having imagined her that way. I wonder why I dreamed her death, for she is the still-healthy living woman.

Deaths have always scared the day lights out of me. I was scared, haunted, rather to an extent possessed by death all through my growing up days. I have more wondered about death, as where people would go after life. How someone who lived all their life could, just disappear to nowhere after death.

The first death I saw was that of my neighbour uncle, who died of a heart-attack, I still remember how shocked and frozen, I was when I saw him first with his head tied with a white cloth and cotton filled in his nostrils. Will that be done to me once when I die? It disturbed me to know that people would be taken to heaven that way. I ran from the place and went to my bedroom and hid under the cot, thinking that I could evade death. I remember how I hid under the blankets on my bed and peeped out of the window to see him been taken to the heavenly abode.

Deaths scared me only, till I hadn’t met it. The first death for which I cried was for Tiger, a faithful dog of mine. She died having lived her life; it was the first stab of pain for a ten year old. I couldn’t understand what it would be then for me, to be a ten year old and to cry and grieve for the loss of a loved one. All I knew then and now was; it hurts. I look back from then till now, I learnt that with every death, a part of me inevitably dies, I bury a part of myself and it creates a vacuum in me. An emptiness that turns to a scar in me, a wound that I wish time heals, knowing otherwise that, Till death do us apart.

As I grew up, I understood one thing; death is a great-leveller of life. It teaches us love and humility, and with every death I have learnt to love more and be more humble. I have learnt to love everyone around for they may not be alive to be loved tomorrow or I may not be alive to hate them today. It has humbled me, for I have learnt the value of life through death. How I wish I could trade in these lessons for the life of a dead-few.

The scene of her lying clad in her angelic white bride wear in her coffin, ever smiling her sweet smile to the world of her loved ones. I wish God could have understood the value of love, if then He wouldn’t have taken her with him, the scene of a middle-aged mother, knowing well that her orphaned-son had no-one to love and to be loved, the death of a grand-father who gave away his old age to the pain of cocktails of radiation and chemotherapy rather than the loving company of his grandchildren, the death of a brother whose youthful life was wasted in drugs. It is the way life is learnt through a few deaths.

Life is when you know that death doesn’t stop things, it doesn’t end a relationship, but how the cursed few learn to carry the life of the dead in them. Life is when it sharply pains at the stab of a twinge of a remembrance of the long-gone-loved one and a tear or two is dropped and you brush it aside with your finger and turn aside, Smile gently and offer the prayer. I Love You.

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16 comments

  1. Jeet

    really loved the part where u say death has taught u humility and is a great leveller in life! never thought about it that way before! how did this come to ur mind??

    Like

  2. Vidya

    Very touching…! Good one.

    Yes, I believe in “I have one life to live and I want to live it the best way I possibly can” but sometimes life goes out of control…

    However DEATH really scares me…! My heart almost stops pumping blood when I feel I am gonna lose someone close to me.

    Like

  3. Anonymous

    I will not acquiesce in on it. I regard as warm-hearted post. Especially the title-deed attracted me to review the unscathed story.

    Like

  4. wapscallion

    Hi Baratha…

    reading your blog for the first time. Glad I started with this entry… very heartfelt and heartwarming. Your voice is very clear and is so distinctly you.

    Death is a sad thing…death of oneself isn't half as terrifying as the death of a loved one. I can't even begin to imagine how it would be to lose a parent or my dog… i think we need to make peace with the fact that death completes the cycle of life…

    Keep writing monkey.

    Like

  5. Anonymous

    Interesting blog you got here. It would be great to read something more concerning that topic. Thnx for sharing this material.

    Like

  6. The Seeker

    @ Anonymous ^ 3

    Thanks, Thanks and Thanks,

    @ Diwahar Sinha,
    Thanks yaar! am\nd welcome to Jobless bLog!!

    @Vicky
    Welcome bro!
    But thats a sorry state of affair!!! When man takes over nature…

    @Jeet,
    well lil bro! first belated birthday wishes, yeah! Life teaches you so many things, esp when U lose a loved one…well, let me not be so philosophical

    @ Nishanth.
    Thanks bro! I still, I am happy about that! at least I write once in a while and u too get back soon…

    @Mirror carcked
    Good to be back Nihky boyy! welcome back

    Like

  7. The Seeker

    @ Enduring spirit!
    And my prayers are with you always!!

    @Wapscallion
    Thanks Madhu, I'm sure, life teaches you everything as you live…

    @Mampi,
    well said ma'm, That holds so much true today! and for a peaceful tomorrow

    @Writers block
    Thanks for those words pals akka! sure I will give a try! happy new year to you too,,

    @Vidhya

    Welocme to JObless bLog! well Live and life teaches !!! and You 'll love and live..

    Like

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