F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

February 19, 2009

 Just a casual conversation with a brother and a good friend Raku started me with this thought which I had been confronted with eternally, but avoided it at every contemplation i had possibly. And the precise moment when all thoughts will come tumbling down, is actually when you’re down in the dumps…. 

Not that every day, you happen to have a talk that leads you to a discussion that had been an haunting in you, All I had poured is basically me, but what I more importantly tell is I’m what I write, I’m also What I don’t write…  And as Jayakanthan puts it, “Please remember that what is written is not just a piece of paper, but a writer’s heart, Read it to respect too,…”

I had mentioned this in one of my previous posts, “And when I say friends, It sounds a little tricky… for What is a friend and who is a friend differs a lot in every one’s perspective. Someone who makes you feel good, someone who brings you a smile for no reason, someone who makes you care, go for him/her. Nothing great can define a friend and a friendship … It is often the overstated or the understated…” 

Friendship has been the over-celebrated for all that, the way it has been constructed in our midst. Didn’t we all learn friendship and love, the way cinema taught us, And don’t we all go by the book? 

I had started to believe that basically someone comes into your life, and stay for a brief time, because they are meant to stay only for a brief while, They don’t leave/fade/disappear but they leave an impression on us.. They would have been the ones who would have made a big difference in our life… but we tend to forget the relationship shared/nurtured. It fades into an oblivion. 

I remember persons in my life with whom I grew up, the times shared/spent/wasted together are the only memories I have of them today, in reality, now I knew what they were/where they were, but honestly I’m clueless about their present and presence today. I cherish and relish them and the memories, knowing they are a part of reason for what I’m today… 

To justify, I have a hell lot of reasons, life asks so much, that I don’t have time to call/communicate/chat/scarp/text/mail/write. Nobody is to be blamed here, We have all screwed up human life so much in the name of everyday emergencies and modern life.

I am stuck, you are busy, basically we feel ignored to an extent and also we ignore to an extent that we forget Ignorance is the most subtle form of violence.  

But what amazes me is with certain people, there is no need of pretence, a need for a call after a day/week/fortnight/month/year!!! “Hey how u buddy” instead of “Why-the-hell-you-didn’t-TANTRUM” 

This post of my “withering-life-blues” doesn’t aim to propagate that I’m such a human company seeking person and people reject/ignore me.. I, with the best of my knowledge, had been a good friend-companion-brother to many, which makes my life more meaning-full than whatever I can academically-literally-financially achieve in the go. I’m not sure about this and I don’t give a guarantee that i have most number of friends, for I don’t count every number I have in my face book and orkut account as my friends, and not every class/room/team/batch/college/desk/school/university/ mate is a friend. I’m very particular about the usage of the term. A recent acquaint can very well turn into the lil-bro- you- never-had, in the course of time, whereas a person whom you know for a decade plus will be just the school mate, Wavelength matters a lot in any relationship.. 

I’m not still out of the loss of the dear departed friend, Someone who Just walked into life and fitted in exactly,, I had been just wondering how I still haven’t learned to put up with some one’s fading away to nothing. Memories don’t die. What got on me more was! How many would be affected if I was to leave now-where suddenly. That’s an intriguing thought, but still lately I had been giving it too  many a thought. 

I already have a guilt of not being around so many people, I had grown up with, and with many people I wish to see them growing up. That’s the magic of life, to be with someone,  to grow up with someone. These little things, which I have learnt, matters a great deal to me.. It is a helpless feel when I know i couldn’t be with a few, I have no words to explain that pain. I know that I’m not Omnipotent, I know it’s greedy to be around with everyone. 

But seriously! To how many I had been that important person matters a great deal to me? How many would miss me? Also I don’t want them to eternally miss me. I wish I had made a difference, I wish they learnt something from me. I wish to go away from them, once my purpose is over, I wish I have the enough courage. It sounds pointless when I thought about to write this, but it had been a haunting thought in me… 

I know Like how, I got used to things and certain people’s absence, And how I tell It’s another normal world, I know People would tell the same and move on with life! Am i greedy to tell this all now, What happened to me, That I think all this now? I know for sure, that at least one person who reads this, will tell , “You’ve gone nuts..” And one would say, “I understand”. Both would give me a smile. 

But honestly, something saddened me, with so many people going missing in life, I want to remember and be remembered with a smile and a twinkle in the eyes. I’m no perfection as a person, I have my own tantrums that i throw up, a few mild-tempers, a few inhibitions, a few wrongs, a few prejudices,  who encroaches upon people’s spaces, wouldn’t mind them for hours, if i want to,, The same just-like-you- a- person. Why but! i want to love and be loved perfectly?

Its just that I want to love and be loved! How possible that we just meet, become friends and start growing up with each-other? Is it really possible to meet someone, shower them with love and care and not to complain when the time has come to let go? How far can one go when it comes to love? Is it possible to stop loving just because the other is gonna go? Or is it okay to hide your love? love with-in, don’t show? get angry and leave? Turn out and move away? 

Well, Love in itself is a miracle, A healing! Come what may, I love and love, 

Is It not That we are born just to love? 

In short, love is worth, with every being of it in life.. 

Written by Bee Nat Posted in Friendship, Heart-speak