And Thus It Goes Unnamed

Sitting by my bedside window, I couldn’t stop wondering where my fate took me. Rather should I say how I took refuge in my fate! I can easily recollect when I wrote last and what I. Seems ages ago to me, but I knew I never bid adieu to my musings. And yet scared inside, what if musings parted me forever. Even then I will be eternally grateful for being with me short while and making my life worthwhile.

I remember or rather strain myself to remember the uncertainty. I went through for the past few months. Life was good in those evenings. Perched in the porches with people in the blissful non-chalant ambience with books aside. The ease with which everything went, switching topics, heated arguments, threatening looks, daring to contradict and the never ending Chronic conversations. The transition therefore to follow was unknown then. Nothing remains the same and not everything changes.

I was away for a while. And today I am back, back to being myself. I could only wonder that it was this rain that rained today made me write. Was it a writer’s block that prevented me from pampering the paper? I remember writing in my mind every time when I talk with me as I walk. May be writing warrants a quiet contemplative pensive mood, rather than a talkative walk? May be I can consider sitting in an asana position with pen and paper aside meditating. Dissolving into the surroundings for better contemplation, so that I can wake up and write. Blessed will be the writers when they perform a ‘Puja’ to get their gift in return or still easier is to get a piece of Creative writing with a flick of wand by a non-verbal spell “Amusingness”.

It is the complete participation in life with a genuine interest and keen observation of things around us that evokes the magic of muse. It is the ability to view the subtle trivial beauties of life with an uncanny yet a healthier wonderment. One can easily find these attributes in R K Narayan’s works, one of the greatest writers ever of times. He had his own share of ups and downs in life and having made out of it helped him to prove his inherent nature/ability of being the best story-teller. Yet sometimes it can be a real threat to one’s ability to write, but the only panacea to it is to keep writing no matter what. Great Writers and famous authors always advise amateurs to keep writing to improve, but they tend to forget that writing continuously or continuous writing can turn life to a disaster. Amateurs, unlike me who take the words of such people, “their gurus” seriously, in the other way round, often fall a victim to continuous writing.

Continuous writing should be to give in enough efforts, try new kinds of writing, to attain perfection and not merely to enter Guinness records. There are times when I took continuous writing seriously and wrote pages and pages to stop suddenly to find my fountain pen running out of ink. I couldn’t continue for a simple yet a genuine reason for I couldn’t find an ink-bottle in vicinity; it must be certainly a good day for the papers, for I did hear mutterings of silent prayers for survival. If my guess is right, they ended their jubilant celebrations with an excellent feast.

There are times when my creativity overflowed, overwhelmed with thoughts for I couldn’t write a single line as I didn’t know what to write first. It was like as if all my thoughts in total threatened to desert me if I don’t give them first priority. Trust me. It was the most difficult moment in my life. I realized what a total dumb-bell I am when it comes to choice. I cried, wailed, howled till midnight like a banshee for an unknown, unreasonable reason. I knew that the moment which I feared the most in my life will come true. ‘The death of my writing’. I sat silently mourning for the rest of the night. As the dawn came, I prepared for the rest. Dressed in black, I got out of my house carrying my note-book like a child’s prized possession. On reaching my garden, I began digging a small grave to bury my ‘dead child’. I stood wistfully for hours together; till I realized that I lost something which I should not have. It was a deep peep into the past, reliving the nostalgia. Now I realize that my Reverence was so true that I could have easily composed the ‘World’s Best Elegy’, if I hadn’t buried my ‘Note-book’.

I sincerely regret.

People, especially great writers like me (if I become one) should understand that there are times in life when one cannot write, in spite of all sincere efforts. They should not feel bad or guilt about it; everything happens for a reason (preferably good if taken in the right sense). It cost me my first elegy (The world’s Best) to learn this lesson. For I’ve also learnt another lesson: “Nothing comes free.”

Great moments often catch us unaware, also great pieces are written unaware.

It was in one such moment, though as usual when all my the thoughts in total threatened to desert me if I don’t take one in particular, I came up with my Masterpiece!

Believe me!

I gave in my best efforts and chose none, for I knew all my thoughts are great and why disgrace one by choosing another. And my masterpiece was ready to be printed in the morning. I sent it to publisher (it’s not difficult to find one these days, for they are greatly listed in Yellow pages, it is as easy as getting a cab) who sent it back to me with an enclosed abusive note for wasting his time.

I felt terribly down. Emerson came to my rescue: “To be great is to be misunderstood”.I took the “Blank Paper’, my masterpiece and kept it safely in my diary. For now I knew the truth that I was born ahead of time and my audience is not yet born. I realized that the publisher’s have no literary knowledge or basic literary sense. Had they known Keats “Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter” no publisher would have dared to let go a masterpiece unpublished. A great shame has befallen the literary world. My life of writing for the past one decade minus eight years has seen such many brutal acts of refusal.

It is Frost who keeps my writerly life alive by his quote “And Miles to go before I sleep”.

I realized that if there can be anything more threatening to a writer than Writer’s block, it is the immense difficult art of naming a piece of writing, for writing can be spontaneous, but naming is instantaneous. And here I confess to my unborn audience that it is the Baptist’s block that scares me more than a Writer’s block

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14 comments

  1. MAN IN PAINTING

    Don’t bother about the world when or write or even when you live..have you read the autobiography of Gabriel Garzia Marquez..”living to tell the tale”..you will just feel many of your questions getting natural answers…but the post was very very reflective..liked it..take carewishes.. mip

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  2. Ani

    The hardest part is to start.. and once that hurdle is crossed.. all the rest falls into place.. All of us have a writer’s block.. its how to over come it and use to our potential.. thats the key.. 🙂well got something waiting for u in my blog.. do visit.. 🙂 and good to see ur back on ur flow 🙂

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  3. Nivedita

    lol..even if i do start writing..i end up somewhere else saying stuff i didnt want to say..lol ive got smart at the naming thing..i just pick the nice-est line of the post 😀i was reading some of your previous posts..you’ve got a weird but nice way of writing..quite vivid.

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  4. Rakesh Vanamali

    Good post Bharath! However, dont be critical of yourself when it comes to writing! Do keep writing and see how it develops itself and helps you gain a perspective of what you stand for! Most importantly, your creativity should not be weighed upon at the instance of external factors! It should, (and is by all means), be a reflection of your ideas! Take care!Rakesh

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  5. The Seeker

    @ San,welcome to the jobless blog, Thanks for your kind words@Mirror cracked,,May be my muse as you say buddy!@The army guy,down with that thing, just check out the coming up post,@Rakesh,Hey bro, thanks for youw wondefrul words…@Nivedita,Welcome to the Jobless blog, it takes a weirdo to understand a weirdo’s writings,,, What say???

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  6. The Seeker

    @Fantasies,Hey vishnu,, the difficult part is the starting…@Armyguy,thanks for the encouragement bro,, will keep writing,,,@Rakesh,welcome here buddy! and thanks, do stay tuned in…

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  7. The Seeker

    @Animated junk,thanks archu@MIP,Hey that was a lovely suggestion bro, my end of the year pick-up would be that book…Thanks @ANi,Hey thanks a ton for the award ani..Take care! see you soon in the blog

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