I remember losing it somewhere, but certainly I don’t remember where or when and am sure that I had it with me sometime ago. I know what I am talking about. Did I ever have it with me to lose it? Please help me. I am becoming inhumane day by day. Yes I left my little left humanity in me somewhere.
I recollect instances in my life where I felt I have been extremely inhumane. I know I sound stupid when I try to measure the intensity of it like mild or extreme or mildly extreme. As years went by, I grew up (I wish I never) but did I really? I feel I lost a part of me in the process, something that can never be recovered,
It was not a sudden loss, but it was not even a loss in instalments, it is/was an ongoing process. The way I become immune to the surroundings of sufferings around me. The self-construction of the protective wall called modernity helps me in being so. But now I look back and search longingly to get back my lost humanity!
Was it when I shout at people for no reasons just because they don’t listen to me at times. Did I lose my patience first and then humanity?
Was it when I didn’t stop to help an old woman crossing the road? I remember turning back and acting busy as I assumed that I was already late for a matinee show.
Was it when I saw a small child begging in the railway station? I gave him a coin when I know the best thing was to dial the ‘Child Helpline’ which I had conveniently saved in my mobile
Was it when I acted busy talking to my friend in my mobile when I should actually have been talking to my old neighbour who came all the way to meet me when I was back home for my vacation.
Was it when I cheered when an opponent missed a goal and got hurt himself during the match or when I fervently prayed all night for the teacher to fall ill so that the exam got cancelled (and of course she fell ill soon but still we’d the exam next day.)
Was it when I hurt a dog for the first time (and last time) but I couldn’t stand seeing the pain of the dog? I cried all night that day for being cruel and promised God that I would hurt never and not even intimidate anyone with threatening looks! Arrogance and violence are just the excess display of vulgarity to humanity.
Where did I leave you? I roam like a nomad searching you? I don’t want you to leave me and orphan me in my life.
I search longingly the long lost little humanity in me. Then I stopped searching and started being now. I understand these by learning through negotiations that humanity is more to than merely being human or acting humane. It is the wilful acceptance to be lovingly patient, a wishful listener, to lend a humble helping hand and an emphatic shoulder, to speak the right word at the right time, to respect the differences, to be grateful to little deeds and not expecting gratitude in reciprocation. As Ezekiel tells, “It is the loving acceptance and not charitable Tolerance.” It is when everyone is ready to let go off the various masks and starts feeling the spirit of humanity. I try everyday and fail miserably. But I know it is these little efforts of me that help me being me.